in you i feel so dirty

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 04:47:27 GMT

te quiero sentir cerca de mi para poder seguir

straight out the story book

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:18:26 GMT

"Mi amiga, mi novia, mi esposa, y mi amante. Quiero que seas toda mia. Asi como yo sere para ti."

"Amor amor amor...si superieras cuanto es que te extraño. Aqui estoy en tu cuarto, en tu cama, entre el dulce aroma de tu piel. Pero donde estas? Siento como si estuvieras aqui pero no te puedo encontrar."

so take a ride, we stop at all stations

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 06:51:21 GMT

i took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my tv remote.

right here within without

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:46:57 GMT

the right sound, light, temperature, combine to make me explode
with love for living, for the dilapidated mess that we're
beginning to realize is perfection

(note the assortment of plastic utensils rubberbanded to his visor,
all the essentials- fork, coffee stirrer, miniature spoon best suited
for icecream)

how soon is now?

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:17:41 GMT

it's too hot to go outside. i'm diggin my icebox of a room.

word.

there you are, as you always were

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 04:55:28 GMT

it's strange to me to be back in chicago. to think that last night i sat on our couch and watched tmnt and now it
feels like years ago. the streets are humming here, exploding. they call out as people rush around and i don't want
to answer. i am tired and i can't discover any more right now. it's so warm and i want to sleep in the warmth, with
it all around me and waiting for me when i wake again, wide-eyed.

with a gun in hand and thoughts of you

will it matter if i lose and just shatter

Thu, 15 May 2008 04:37:54 GMT

i miss what we had. but i don't want him back.

and i know i'll never find it again.

i can fake it as good as you

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:03:20 GMT

i don't want to be this. goddamn. i just murdered my last hope. sliced it the fuck open. all i can think, you're becoming one of them. but i listened to every audible word in the stairwell and fuck if that's not what i want regardless. you'd give your heart to anyone. i've designed a method that will keep anyone from getting in . i've already tried it twice. it doesn't work on the past but it will prevent the future. no one fucking has what i want anyway.

i knew i should have stayed in i knew it every step of the way. when i walked through that door and felt a sense of shame all down my skin for them to see.

nothing's safe.

a postcard from my mom and sister with prairie dogs on the front- "we ate at a really great pizza place and got icecream at the sugar bowl. i got green tea ice cream. mom bought four little cactuses to replace the christmas cactus, but she's afraid that they will die too because that one did. she says i have to help her."

compare and contrast.

completed or completing

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 06:45:21 GMT

i hate when you talk lonely, play up your current state as though its something to be made into a depressing movie with no resolution. you're only as bad as you let yourself believe. and if you unclenched your fist from that poetic bottle for a moment, focused on a little something other than your tragic self, you might realize that i'm sitting right beside you.

not good enough maybe, but i can't let you claim alone until it's true.

the trap i set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 03:30:29 GMT

i'll be the reason you'll leave this city

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:24:05 GMT

I HATE SMELLING LIKE YOU

here's to the atom bomb

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:45:29 GMT

i like minimalism.
and i like things that evoke strong emotion, memories of things passed that live on inside of me. tonight i watched a hard day's night and it had something of that affect. sometimes photos or movies or songs will evoke nostalgic feelings for places i never knew. times before i was born. i think that says a lot about a creative work, when it can take you where you belong but have never been. and i think oftentimes this is better than if we'd actually lived it ourselves.

you dont remember the hairbears?

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 05:27:23 GMT

leahcrashescars: i just really need a haircut anyway so i figured i would get a style at least
cubetherube: i need one soon, that mohawk looks like a hairbear took a shit on my head

it's the end of the discussions that just go round and round

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 16:59:17 GMT

I've been falling behind lately with things, and I have absolutely no motivation to pick up the slack. 1degree is too cold, chicago, cmon.

I had to write for a different section of the newspaper this week, an article on the increase in crime in LP and what good ol public safety is doing about it. It was a dull topic and it bred a dull article. But like I do with all of my articles when I first open a new document in word, I came up with some stupid caps-locked title so that I'm not staring at a blank page, intimidated. I always delete said title before mailing my article to the editor, but this week, I forgot.

And the title was:

OMG CRIME IN LINCOLN PARK? NO WAY MAN WE ARE WHITIES.

She responded with perhaps a charitable "hahah" but I still don't feel so great about the impression I just gave.

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:31:08 GMT

wouldn't it be so wonderful
if everything were meaningless?
but everything is so meaningful
and most everything turns to shit.

rejoice.

i've been tryin to get that taste off my tongue

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 01:09:12 GMT

i spend a considerable amount of my life waiting for the bus.

did you lose what you're after?

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 04:22:28 GMT

what does happen when you're too empty to pour anything out of yourself anymore?

we've all seen the dry spells, but nights are moving through me and i have nothing to show for them.

i have a tendency to rashly decide to abandon everyone and go it alone, teach them a lesson. but once you've crossed off everyone, what do you have left but yourself? your pitiful self, the problem all along.

it's just that i can't pull any care out of me. why do something when it's easier to do nothing? with nothing there is no risk of falling on your face. no disappointment except that nothing is not something, but that is easily taken care of with time and a growing familiarity and a surrender of all dreams.

i shout that you're all fake

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 00:43:08 GMT

bukowski says
you could just tell he had never had his nose rubbed into
life, he had just
glided over it.

i remember half-convincing myself for a large portion of my youth that i would someday progress enough in my musical endeavors to live off of them.

i still remember the day.

i realized that all this time the teachers who passed around cliches about our ability to do whatever we set our minds to had been pulling one over on us. i mean look at them. complaining about parent teacher conferences and disrespectful students, and we all knew they'd rather be astronauts or rockstars.

once i thought i was beyond that, i thought i had buckled down with reality. but maybe i'm repeating this process all over again of understanding who i am and what my limits are, but always in the back of my mind counting on that big break, that burst of creativity that i'm sure will come...one of these days.

maybe not. not when so much fights against it.

Jesus Christ, if this is what they
want,
from now on
i might as well write for
the rats and the spiders
and the air and just for
myself.

eating snowflakes with plastic forks

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 05:47:59 GMT

you did that to make yourself feel better.

human beings are overrated, unbearable. yeah even me. but...

lemon merengue.

i'm crawling out of my skin. here goes.

i know you want to run away

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:20:49 GMT

my thoughts have all been bled dry of discourse, just images floating by but i still find it hard to sleep. the more my eyes burn the harder it becomes.

i wonder how many times a day on average i hear the schlick pop of her 4th, 5th, 6th can of diet ditto.

let roar these fears

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 05:03:53 GMT

GAS MASK LAVA LAMPS

to collect the thoughts that'd fallen from my head

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 09:53:14 GMT

can't sleep aaaagh

i just remember squatting in the cvs calling my mom to find out what kind of film i should buy because she knew more than i did, at that point. and now look how much i know.

i bet you're out there getting drunk with all your friends

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 05:06:14 GMT

i need a fucking digital camera already.

i stay in a lot i guess.
i have 24 banana muffins now at least, and crane bellies to watch before i sleep.

it'll get you in the bathroom of the texaco

suspended animation blue

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 23:49:47 GMT

i thought i had lost all motivation to live but i think i'm just getting sick.

all i want to do is lie in bed and watch it grow dark.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 21:51:19 GMT

she's rotting from the inside with all those microwaveable dinners and diet pepsi, but she'll live forever, because these types of people always do.